I watch a lot of forgettable movies, but this one may take the cake. I watched it yesterday, and already had to look up a plot synopses to refresh my memory. This movie is just a series of anti-climactic and underwhelming plot points. Any sort of plot character development can be spotted from the very beginning.
The Last Legion tells a fictionalized account of the fall of the Roman Empire. The story revolves around Romulus Augustus (Thomas Sangster), the prepubescent last descendant of Caesar. He comes to power as the empire is losing support, and their power is crumbling. A rival general tries to seize power and kidnaps Romulus. The royal guard- Aurelius (Colin Firth), his teacher- Ambrosinus (Ben Kingsly), and a seemingly random woman- Mira (Ashwaray Rai) fly to his aid. After rescuing him, they find out that his rival has taken control. They decide to flee to Britain in hopes of finding a legion of soldiers there that may still be loyal to Rome- hence the name.
The movie is essentially divided into two acts. The first is the search and rescue of Romulus, and the second is their final stand in Britain. The first part was like any action movie I've ever seen (medieval or present). A small band of good guys bust into a fortress gathered by a seemingly endless group of bad guys. Nothing original or even exciting there. The second half was a little better, with another small group making a stand against an even larger group. but still, nothing new, and not very exciting.
The main problem with this movie, is that it's just boring. The battle sequences are over as soon as they begin. They are almost carbon copies of the battle scenes in Tristram Shandy (the ones they were laughing at). If you're going to make a big budget, large scale movie, the product better match the ambition.
The acting was actually quite good. You can never go wrong with Colin Firth or Ben Kingsly. I wish the script was able to show off these talents better. Firth's speech to the troops before the final battle was anything but inspirational. "Defending the heart of Britania"? Is he referring to the single outpost they have control of?
It's a shame that a movie that sounded like it could actually be interesting turned out like it did. Any tale about the founding of England has potential, but this one was just a stretch. Feel free to go see it, but you probably won't remember it the next day.
I'm confused. Extinction comes after Apocalypse? What are they going to do for the 4th one- Resident Evil: The Big Bang? I guess it doesn't really matter. I'm sure it will just feature a bunch of people fighting yet another vast army of zombies. Why is it that these brainless lumbering animals are able to remain quiet until someone is right in front of them? Oh, that's right, so mediocre film makers who have no other way of frightening an audience can create scary moments. If you haven't been able to tell so far, I didn't much care for this movie.
Just a little background. In the first movie, a virus has escaped in an underground base owned by the Umbrella Corporation. A team is sent in and they discover Alice, a woman who has no recollection of who she is. By the end of the movie we learn that the virus has escaped the base and has spread to New Yor...er...I mean Racoon City. For the second movie, the entire city is sealed off, and Alice is stuck inside. She gets together a band of survivors, and after a series of useless plot-lines that add needless complexity, they escape. We find out at the end, however, that Alice is some sort of project by the Umbrella corporation to combat the zombies, and she may even contain a cure.
Extinction finds Alice alone on the road. The epidemic has reached a global scale, and now there's only isolated groups of survivors. This includes the last remnants of the Umbrella Corporation beneath the Nevada desert. They are running experiments trying to come up with a new Alice to cure the zombies. Now on her journey across the west, Alice comes across another group of survivors, a heavily equipped group of survivors. Umbrella is onto her though, and wants her back.
The second installment was one of the worst movies I'd ever seen. This one is slightly better. I kind of enjoyed the Mad Max/Waterworld vibe in the desolate west. I guess this is literally post-apocalyptic. I especially liked their take on the Las Vegas strip. The part I didn't like was just about everything else.
Alice (Mila Jovovich) was pretty much all about ass-kicking in the first two. Somehow she's now developed telekinetic powers? I dunno, I guess she's a superhero now. Or what about the simple chain-link fence keeping the hoards of zombies out of the Umbrella compound? Kinda sketch. And just how did that gang of road warriors get hold of a tanker truck in the first place? Don't even get me started on the absurdity of the Lickers (what happens when life tissue is given the syrum).
There's really not much to say about this movie. It had some good zombie fun, a lot of zombie gore, and not much else. It just continues an already worn out franchise. I liken it to Land of the Dead, George Romero's sub-par finale to the Dead series. These movies take what happens leaving you hanging at the end of an outbreak, and quashes the suspense by actually showing you.
“Of course, I have had many imitators, and I am aware of the jokes about mime. But if you love your art, you just do it. Time will judge me.” A really nice article about him
After months and months of waiting, I was finally able to see Day Watch. This is, of course, the sequel to Night Watch (which I just also reviewed) Due to the success of the first movie, Day Watch's budget skyrocketed. It's evident that they put it to good use and didn't waste it. Though it is filled with splashy visual effects (some of which a little cartoony, or video-game like), it is just as much focused on the characters.
For those who haven't seen the first one (though you really cannot watch this one without), the series follows an eternal war between the forces of light and dark. The two reached a truce, agreeing that neither would directly influence the decisions of humans. Two teams, the night watch and the day watch are in place to make sure that each side follows this agreement. The time of the final great war, however, is fast approaching. This is signified by the coming of the great one, Yegor, who will choose sides and lead them to victory.
Day Watch is set several years after Night Watch. Yegor has reached his teenage years, and the dark others are becoming ever more powerful. Anton, the star of the first movie, and an agent in the night watch is Yegor's father. He is struggling trying regain his son, while keeping the dark others in check, and of course- a new love interest. Sveta, one of the supporting characters in the first movie is back as a night watch trainee, and Anton's romantic interest. She is fast becoming a force just as powerful as Yegor, and everyone is preparing for an epic showdown. During all of this, several dark others are mysteriously killed, and Anton is blamed. If found guilty, he faces death.
A lot happens in this movie. There is one curious premise about the chalk of life. This is an all powerful artifact that is able to rewrite history. It's a little outlandish, but barely makes an appearance. It seems that they only included it as a way to write themselves out of a corner, and wrap up a nice neat ending (that was pretty obvious from miles away). The heart of this movie is still Anton, stuck between his son, and protecting the light. By the end, everything comes to a head, and he is forced to confront this conflict directly.
Day Watch was not quite as good as Night Watch, but it was still awful good. Everything about these movies just oozes cool- the 2nd one even more. Day Watch is a little more focused on Anton himself, and his struggles, than on the war as a whole- though it does get pretty epic towards the end. It's crucial that you see Night Watch first.
I finally got a chance to see the sequel to this (Day Watch) after months of waiting. Before writing a review of that, however, I thought I should cover this one first. I was lucky enough to see Night Watch at the 2006 Athens Film Fest because it was sold out for every show. Based on the series of sci-fi books by Russian author Sergei Lukyanenko, this was one of the most successful Russian movies of all time- deservedly.
The forces of light and dark waged an epic war, but formed a truce hundreds of years ago. An agreement was reached that neither one could directly influence humans in their decisions, and they must be left to their own devices. Two groups were formed to keep the other in check. The Night Watch is a group of light "others" who have to keep the dark "others" in line, and the Day Watch is the opposing force. Near the beginning of the movie, Anton Gorodetski is deceived by a dark other, but the Night Watch intervenes and arrests the woman responsible. As a result, Anton somehow gains powers and is able to see the others. He decides to join the Nightwatch, and becomes one their agents. The main bit of the movie is set in present day Moscow, with a coming Apocalypse. The world is at a crossroads with a cursed woman, Svetlana, bringing about the end of the world (unknowingly), and the prophesied great one, Yegor, who will choose either dark or light, and help that side win the war for eternity.
The plot is a little convoluted, and it took me a second viewing to get everything- especially with all the Russian names and references that might not make sense to an American viewer. There was no shortage of bizarre scenes, such as Olga, the Nightwatch agent that was imprisoned in the body of an owl. These were all done with visual effects splendor, and an artistic eye. As bizarre as they looked, it just seems to make sense.
What I really liked about this movie, besides the stunning visuals and unique directing by Timur Bekmambetov, was the concept of the conflict. The two sides, despite being at war with each other, have a mutual agreement not to interfere. The light others are not purely good, and the dark others are not purely bad. They are all somewhere in the middle. From what I've heard, the movie differs greatly from the book, leaving some viewers dissatisfied. I'm assuming most people haven't read them, however, so just enjoy the movie for what it is, a fantastic sci-fi allegory.
I'm not sure what I was thinking going into this? Was I expecting it to be good? or even just entertaining? After watching it, I still have no idea what I was thinking. It was neither of those two adjectives, and I should have recognized that just from the previews. In fact, anyone who has even seen just the previews would be in the ample position of writing just as thorough of a review. Sometimes I see movies I know will be bad, just to give me something to review. In this case, I didn't need to.
Randy Daytona (Dan Fogler) is a washed up ping-pong player who has been reduced to performing at a Las Vegas buffet. He had potential years ago as a child, but during a pivotal Olympic moment, he choked- resulting in his loss, and the death of his father (something about illegal gambling). Back to present day, he is recruited by FBI Agent Ernie Rodriguez (George Lopez) to infiltrate a top secret ping pong championship put on by crime lord, Feng (Christopher Walken), who also happens to be the man that killed his father. Eventually he consents, trains, and enters the tournament to try to stop Feng.
The first two thirds of the movie are about Daytona training to become a ping pong master. He studies under a blind teacher named Master Wong (James Hong), and his daughter, Maggie (Maggie Q). This is where a majority of the gags are. A blind master, a fat oafish apprentice....and ping pong. The cornerstone is your typical groin humor. People get hit in the crotch, kicked in the crotch, paddled in the crotch, and hit by, well, balls. There were a few funny moments, like when Master Wong sent Daytona on a task swatting bees with a paddle. But for the most part, it was just an old blind man running into things, and lots little balls.
There was a vague trace of glossed over character development, but unfortunately it made no sense. At first Daytona did not want to help the FBI, but seeing a water park built next to his father's grave brought him around. Huh? Or what about Maggie and Daytona? She goes from despising him to being a love interest faster than one round of table tennis. I must have missed something there.
The acting is probably what you would expect from a movie where ball do most of the talking. (I'm sorry, but I need to use as many double entendres as possible). Fogler is kind of an unfunny cross between Seth Rogan and Jack Black. George Lopez is never funny. Hong was actually kind of endearing, but also kind of an unstable character, flipping back and forth between harsh and touching. And Walken, what was he doing in this. I love Christopher Walken. Even in this, he's still Christopher Walken (though this was certainly no Captain Koons).
I guess this isn't surprising from Ben Garant, who's only previous experience has been on Reno 911!. This movie was painfully unfunny, and just another movie to be left off of Christopher Walken's resume; at least he had Hairspray earlier this year. I thought this review should be obvious, but there was actually quite a bit of laughter during the movie. I suppose that means some people out there liked it. No matter, just watch the preview. If you've seen that, you've seen the movie.
These are the 20 movies I am most looking forward to for the rest of the year- in no particular order
1. No Country For Old Men- This may be the movie I am most looking forward to. The Cohen Brothers direct this violent manhunt movie starring Tommy Lee Jones. I love almost everything the Cohen's do, but this looks to me more Natural Born Killers than Big Lebowski. Buzz has already pegged this as a possible Oscar contender.
2. There Will Be Blood- This seems to be a year with the return of good westerns. 3:10 to Yuma, Jesse James, and then in December is this. Daniel Day Lewis plays an oil prospector who will do anything for money. This includes swindling a very religious family. I am a tremendous fan of Lewis and director Paul Thomas Anderson (Punch Drunk Love)
3. Margot at the Wedding- This is Noah Baumbach's followup to his fantastic movie, "The Squid and the Whale". Nicole Kidman, Jeniffer Jason Leigh, and Jack Black star in this dark movie about failing relationships and family secrets. Pauline is getting married to Malcom, but Margot shows up and the whole scene turns into a mess.
4. American Gangster- Billed as this year's the Departed, Gangster follows the story of Frank Lucas, a drug kingpin operated outside of traditional organized crime, accomplished things the established mafia could only dream of. With Denzel Washington as Lucas, and Russell Crowe as the detective trying to bring him down, and Ridley Scott at the helm, this is another movie almost guaranteed a best picture nomination.
5. Across the Universe- This is a wild-card for me in my list. It's producing quite a buzz, but I'm still slightly skeptical about a musical set in the sixties to a Beatles soundtrack (also including some animated segments). The story itself, however, seems promising. A young man travels to America to find his father, falls in love with a girl named Lucy, and the two of them become peace activists when her brother is drafted.
6. The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford- Like I said, another western. This one looks to be a little slower paced movie than 3:10 to Yuma, which is fine with me. Brad Pitt stars as the famous outlaw, and Casey Affleck is the titular member of his gang. The movie focuses on Ford's growing jealousy of James' fame, and his plot to kill him.
7. Grace is Gone- This looks to be potentially the saddest movie for the rest of the year. John Cusack stars as a father who's wife was killed in Iraq. He has to learn how to connect to hid two kids for the first time- by telling them this. Cusack's roles just seem to be getting better and better.
8. The Darjeeling Limited- Another Wes Anderson- with Owen Wilson, Jason Schwartzman, and Adrien Brody (of all people). Three brothers try to form a bond as they take a journey across India by rail. This looks to be another oddly touching, and darkly comedic wonder by Anderson.
9. Into the Wild- Sean Penn creates what seems to be his perfect project. It follows Christopher as he travels across the country, making stops along the way on his journey to live in the wilds of Alaska. Sound like the closest Penn could get to living his dream?
10. The Good Night- Gwyneth Paltrow, Penelope Cruz, Danny Devito, Martin Freeman, and Simon Pegg- do you need any other reason? How about a story about a man so dissatisfied with his own life that he creates a fictionalized one in his recurring dreams. But what if this dream life became blurred with the real one, and wasn't all you dreamed? My only complaint- it was my idea first.
11. Finishing the Game- They're making a mockumentary about the tragic death of Bruce Lee, and the studio's attempts to replace him in his final and unfinished film- Game of Death? And Christopher Guest is nowhere to be found? How inappropriate. But judging from the clips I've seen- how very funny.
12. Rendition- This is going to be another heavy one. A man suspected of being a terrorist is abducted at an airport, and taken to a secret detention center. A young CIA agent is witnessing his first interrogation, while the man's wife tries desperately to find out what happened to her husband. Include Jake Gyllenhaal, Reese Witherspoon, Meryl Streep, and Alan Arkin, and you have some potential.
13. Things We Lost in the Fire- Benecio Del Toro has proven himself to fit the troubled and desperate characters (see 21 Grams). This time his best friend (David Duchovny) who helped out his entire life is killed. He moves in with Duchovny's widow (Halley Berry) and helps her and her family out, while trying to get his own life back on track.
14. I'm Not There- Christian Bale, Cate Blanchett, Marcus Carl Franklin, Richard Gere, Heath Ledger, and Ben Winshaw all portray Bod Dylan at different junctures in his life.
15. Feast of Love- A group in Oregon experience new love, old love, love lost, and some rather painful love. They all bring different incarnations to this story. This is more of an exploration into the nature of love than a single coherent plot line.
16. August Rush- This is another music inspired journey in the vein of "Once." This time, an orphaned street musician uses music, and a cowboy hat to try to find his parents, who were forced to give him up as a matter of circumstance. Except I don't know about Robin William with a soul patch.
17. The Kite Runner- Based on the best selling novel Khaled Hoseini, this tells the story of Amir, a boy who grew up in Afghanistan and moved to America. He left behind his best friend, Hassan. All is well until Amir hears from Hassan that his son is in trouble. Amir heads back to the country of his birth only to find that everything has changed, and that this is no longer his country.
18. We Own the Night- Two brothers (Joaquin Pheonix, and Mark Wahlberg) chose different sides of the to law, one is a cop, the other a night club owner dabbling in organized crime. They need to put aside their differences and try to stop a mafia hit on the chief of police (Robert Duvall)- their father. This is another promising crime drama that has actually been likened to a reversal of Goodfellas.
19. Dan in Real Life- Steve Carell plays the role that he does best, a pathetic, sad, and absolutely endearing character. Here he is a widower who happens to fall in love with his brother's girlfriend. He has to keep himself together, while raising his three daughters alone. I imagine this will be a similar performance to the one he gave in Little Miss Sunshine- one of my favorites from last year.
20. Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street- Bwahaha, you knew this one was going to be on here somewhere, so I figured I wrap up with it. Steven Sondheim's notorious musical about a murderous barber finally hits the big screen. This dark dark comedy is directed by nobody else but Tim Burton, and stars nobody else but Johnny Depp (Their 6th movie together). Alan Rickman, Sacha Baron Cohen, and Helena Bonham Carter round out this stellar cast. The premise/genre may alienate some viewers, but I am very very excited.
I watch a lot of forgettable movies, but this one may take the cake. I watched it yesterday, and already had to look up a plot synopses to refresh my memory. This movie is just a series of anti-climactic and underwhelming plot points. Any sort of plot character development can be spotted from the very beginning.
