The Happening

I like M. Night Shyamalan. He may not be the next Hitchcock or Spielberg people were claiming after the sixth sense, but he does craft some interesting stories. I'd put him on par with the likes of John Carpenter (which I intend as a compliment). They both have created some poor movies, but also some very thrilling ones. Shyamalan seems to bounce back, humbled by the failure of the abysmal Lady in the Water. The Happening is a much more subdued thriller, and he's finally avoided twists for the sake of having a twist.

The best scenes, unfortunately, are in the trailer and right at the beginning of the movie. They set up a confused human race facing a force that we cannot begin to understand. People being killing themselves en mass for no apparent reason. People suspect terrorism, then nuclear leaks, then toxins sent off by defense mechanisms in plants. People begin to flee cities in the North East and become isolated as smaller and smaller bands of people begin to be affected.

Mark Wahlberg stars as a science teacher trying to figure out what's happening. He travels with his wife Alma (Zooey Deschanel), brother Julian (John Leguizamo) and his daughter Jess (Ashlyn Sanchez). Wahlberg was the weakest link here. A combination of wooden acting, and poor dialog made me feel bad not for the character, but for the actor. Leguizamo was fine, though he had a fairly small role. Same with Sanchez. Deschanel I thought was actually very good. All of this tragedy made her question everything in her life. While Elliot (Wahlberg) simply went into survival mode, she wrestled with much deeper emotions.

This could really almost be a follow-up to Signs, in that it explores the same themes of isolation and claustrophobia. It also hammers it's theme of environmentalism the same way Signs drove in its themes of faith. Both were completely overt and even a little preachy in these ideas. When it comes to underlying text, Shyamalan throws subtlety to the side. I'd prefer it is the environmentalist message was left for us to figure out, not told to us by a news anchor that bares a striking resemblance to Creed Bratton.

These was actually considerable depth to this movie. Aside from the obvious environmental themes, the concept of needing isolation to survive is an interesting idea. In a time when all you want is companionship- that's the very thing that could kill you. Leguizamo also posed some hidden questions of the exponential impact we have on the environment under the guise of his status as a math teacher.

The movie isn't a jump out of your seat thriller, and in only a couple of (possibly unnecessary) scenes is it cringe worthy. It's the type of thriller that leaves a rock in your stomach, and you're not even exactly sure why. There have been many complaints that the movie is just boring, but the slow pace of it allows you to fully contemplate the subtext. It's a great idea, but unfortunately the actual script itself just isn't up to par.

3.5/5

Son of Rambow

This is director Garth Jennings' follow-up to the gluttonous and charmless Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy. This time he wisely chose a nuanced, British, coming of age story. The movie is charming and a rare glimpse of what it really feels like being a child.

At its core, the movie is about a forbidden friendship. Will Proudfoot (Bill Milner) is the eldest son in a fatherless, yet very religious family. He has lived a sheltered childhood devoid of television, movies, and just about anything secular. The extent of this is demonstrated in a early scene where he has to excuse himself from the showing of a documentary in class. He strikes up an unlikely friendship with Lee Carter (Will Poulter), who can only be described as the bad boy of the school. Lee opens Will's eyes by showing him a bootlegged copy of First Blood- the first Rambo movie. What started as a tentative friendship based on intimidation blossoms into genuine comradery. Unfortunately they are forced to keep their friendship a secret, which strains both of their relationship.

The common ground that two of them initially find is their love of the movie. Initially Will agrees to be Lee's stunt-man in his own version of Rambo. There is nothing more fun than kids with a video camera. It's like Be Kind Rewind- except with actual kids, instead of Jack Black just acting like one. My friends and I used to do this thing, and I can relate to just how much fun it really is. As the movie progresses the stunts get more and more elaborate and dangerous. They're fun because you know nothing is really going to happen, even when Will is nose diving out of trees.

Despite all the fun dare devil scenes, it manages to delve into the importance of childhood friendships and growing up. Even though this time is nothing more than a footnote in your life, at the time, you can't imagine anything more important or serious. Son of Rambow really captures his mentality while still remaining utterly charming. Both Milner and Poulter are wonderful. Granted, it's probably not much of stretch for them as these weren't the most intense childrens' roles I've seen recently.

The movie may be a little slow for some. Not a whole lot happens aside from the trials associated with their friendship. It's billed as a comedy, but there's not much in the way of actual laughs. It's just a touching little story about two boys just trying to survive childhood as best they can.

4/5

You Don't Mess With the Zohan

I really want Adam Sandler to do another Punch Drunk Love. He was just so good in that. In the mean time I guess we'll just have to settle for The Zohan. The movie, surprisingly, was not terrible. It was funnier than I was anticipating. I'm not talking about just a chuckle- I actually laughed out loud a few times. The Zohan also has the distinction of possibly being the best movie Rob Schneider has had a major role in (though I realize this isn't saying much).

As is apparent from the trailers, Sandler plays Zohan, an Israeli counter-terrorist. He grows tired of this life and moves to New York to become a hair-stylist. His smooth talking sexy charm brings in hoards of women to the establishment and help spark a romantic relationship with the salon's Palestinian proprietor, Dalia (Emmanuelle Chriqui). Sadly, the romantic story line lacks any sort of sparkle, and Dalia never seems more than bored with Zohan's antics. Several other conflicts are included. Zohan is recognized for who he really is, and runs into issues with is enemy- Phantom (John Turturro) who is aided by cab driving Salim (Schneider). Half way through another conflict is introduced. Real Estate mogul Walbridge (Michael Buffer) wants to force out Dalia's salon, and will use any means to accomplish this- including, ironically, terrorism.

This is an interesting movie because it features intentionally overt racism. Nearly every character embodies some sort of Middle Eastern stereotype. From the cab drivers and electronic store owners, to sexual deviants (which I didn't even know was a stereotype). This didn't work as well as is something like Harold and Kumar because the intent here was to laugh at the characters instead of raising questions about the stereotypes. Zohan doesn't raise the social commentary that it could have.

But there are indeed some funny moments, at least to me. And these were the most intentionally racist parts. The Israelis and Palestinians discussing "politics" and Hezbollah help line which states "We will be back operating as soon as the current peace talks break down," were funny and did explore genuine commentary. Other parts such as the ultra flexible feet featured in the trailers and a Rocky styled workout montage belonged more in the parody movie franchises than in a story like this.

I really am of two minds on this movie. As a story, it was sloppy and pretty worthless. But, it did have some pretty funny moments. If you don't like even some of Sandler's better movies (Happy Gilmore, Billy Madison) then you'll probably hate this. If you don't care how poor the story is, and just want to watch him do what he does best- talk in funny accents- then give it a shot.

2/5

The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian

This review will actually be a composite of my own opinions and those of the people I saw it with. After we watched it, we engaged in a fairly lengthy critique- so you're getting the best of both worlds here. After deliberation we were in agreement about the movie's mediocrity. It had some good moments, but on a whole much left to be desired character and plot wise.

This time out we find Narnia hundreds of years older than we left it, while only a year has passed in our world. Humans have driven the native Narnians deep into the woods and on the brink of extinction. The titular Prince Caspian (Ben Barnes) the heir to the human throne is being threatened by his ambitious uncle, Miraz (Sergio Castellitto). Caspian flees into the woods only to be captured and taken in by the few remaining Narnians. Upon blowing a horn, our heroes from the first installment return. Peter (William Moseley), Susan (Anna Popplewell), Edmund (Skander Keynes), and Lucy (Georgie Henley) are once again needed to reunite Narnia, and defeat the forces of evil by returning Prince Caspian to the throne.

The plot seemed to work okay. There was nothing really inspired about it, but for a typical epic mythical movie, it fit the mold. The biggest problem came with the characters- specifically that of Prince Caspian. I'm going to try to not give anything away, suffice it to say that he did not earn his return to power. He is supposed to go through some profound change and rise to be a hero. Unfortunately, this never really happened. This left the character tasting very bad to me, and I never actually wanted him to be returned the throne.

The four Pevensies, on the other hand, were as good as I remember from the first one. They each embodied their unique character traits that made them truly individuals. Peter was the natural leader, but still had to struggle with the corrupting temptations of power. Susan- perhaps the most straight laced honorable of the batch dealt with her obvious yet unexplained romantic interest with Caspian. Edmund spent the movie trying to live up to his brother's shadow. And Lucy has the innocent and unyielding faith in Aslan the lion. These four characters are great, and unlike Caspian, their actions make sense and seem motivated.

The other aspect of the movie that bothered us was the lack of exposition. The Narnians go from wanting to kill Caspian to pledging their lives to him all within a minute of screen time. Or where and what Aslan has been doing for the past several hundred years, and why he insisted on returning the way her did (I won't give away anything). Honestly, that part made me angry at him. Finally, as minor as this sounds, the song they put at the end almost ruined the conclusion of the movie for me. The Golden Compass did this as well. I abhor it when movies have pop songs at the end of a wonderful score- especially in movies like this. When will they learn that it just doesn't work?

I was a fan of the first movie, and this was just a letdown. Something I didn't talk about before was how it looked. The animal animation and the visual effects were done very well. The battle sequences were exciting and entertaining. None of this really matters, though, if the story and character development just isn't there.

2/5

Teeth

I was actually going to let this one go without a review, because I figured it didn't have much mass appeal associated with it. But then Empire Online listed it as one of the must see movies of the summer. Given this glowing recommendation, I felt I had to weigh in. I like the dark, weird, twisted movies, and this one had some promise. Unfortunately, it just ended up being weird without the interesting narrative to back it up.

Jess Weixler stars as Dawn, a woman coming of age with a unique trait. To put it bluntly, her vagina is lined with teeth. And from judging what she does with these, very sharp teeth. It does have an interesting theme of female sexual empowerment, but this is simultaneously overbearing and lost. As blatant as it is represented by her "biting" off male aggressors' privates, the sheer dumb horror of the movie dulls the message. It's empowerment, but not to be taken seriously. In short, the horror aspect subverts the message.

It's billed as a horror comedy, so I may be looking at it a little too seriously. The sound effects and some rather graphic scenes will make you both cringe and giggle (but mostly cringe). The part of the movie I did appreciate was that Dawn is an advocate of abstinence. This is clearly in place to explain why she's never been told that you're not supposed to have teeth down there, but it also takes a comical shot at all those chastity rallies that are so popular in schools. These were my favorite scenes.

Another (maybe unintentionally funny) scene features her first trip to a gynecologist. Believing him to be overly aggressive, he feels the wrath of her special endowment. This sends him out of the room screaming "Vagina Dentata!"- evidently the name of said affliction. I hope this was supposed to be absurd and funny.

This was actually a movie I watched, and then just forgot about. Didn't really think it was worth a mention until I caught that list. It's not like the movie was terrible- I mean it wasn't supposed to be great in the first place. If you do see it, don't take it too seriously, that was my mistake. Just laugh it off, and be prepared to cover your eyes at a few uncomfortable scenes.

2/5

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

I may get some flack for this review, but I'm prepared to back up everything I say. First, I must make a few things clear. I am a tremendous Indiana Jones fan. Raiders of the Lost Ark and Last Crusade are two of my favorite movies. I'll even watch Temple of Doom from time to time- and enjoy it. Crystal Skull was better then Temple. but it was still a pretty severe disappointment. Now you will find people both loving this movie, and hating it. I didn't quite hate it, but it was indeed a major let-down.

This time out, an aged Indiana Jones faces a Soviet plot to obtain a new mysterious artifact- South American crystal skulls. Joining him is a greaser with ties to one of Indy's colleagues. The aptly named Mutt Williams is played by rising leading man Shia LaBeouf. I don't want to reveal any more of the plot than this, because it is filled with a series of twists that do indeed keep you entertained.

I'm going to start with what I liked about the movie- because there were things I did like. It was fun. The scene featured prominently in the trailers with Indy fighting off the Communists in a warehouse was enjoyable. Even the absurd jungle surfing on duck boats was fun (for a while at least). Also, Harrison Ford is good as ever. Clearly he wasn't able to do the stunts so much anymore, but he still has the attitude. And I appreciated that they didn't try to conceal his aging. They showed him old, but that he could still kick ass. I'm a big fan of Shia LaBeouf, and even though his character does fall into the annoying side-kick at times, it's not nearly as bad as Shorty in Temple of Doom.

It's clear that I did not hate the movie, but there were several things that prevented me from really liking it. Perhaps the most troubling was the use of CG. In an interview Spielberg said that he was trying to capture the spirit of a less mature director- himself in the 80's when he directed the original films. I think he accomplishes this very well in the look of the movie- except for the heavy use of CG. The gophers were awful and unnecessary (if you see it, you'll know exactly what I mean). As were the atomic blast and the swinging through the jungle. Even the waterfalls were a little much (but forgivable). It's as if he tried to re-invigorate a more raw filming style, but overloaded it with computer graphics. The climax of the movie is the perfect example of this.

The movie had another negative side effect for me. When I was analyzing Crystal Skull I was saying to myself that the movie was just absurd. But then when I thought back objectively on the original trilogy, I realized that those were every bit as absurd. I'd always just loved them without really questioning them. Crystal Skull had the negative influence of causing me to look back at the originals with a more critical eye. T

he thing that keeps my faith in at least two of the originals, is that the artifacts being hunted were legitimately of profound interest. The Ark of the Covenant and the Holy Grail are fascinating archaeological artifacts of Religious orientation. The Crystal Skulls, on the other hand, though real, are fairly obscure artifacts that have been widely dismissed as having a modern origin. This may seem like a small difference, but I think the historical interest of the actual artifacts plays a tremendous role in the interest of the movie.

The movie wasn't terribly, and most people will probably enjoy it to at least some degree. I did. It's just that I've been watching Indiana Jones my whole life and was expecting something powerful here. Instead, I was met with a fairly disengaging story riddled with too much CG. It's fun, but it was also a let-down.

2.5/5

What Happens In Vegas

What happens when you take a commercial tag-line and make a movie out of it? You get What Happens in Vegas. I really wish what happened at the brainstorming sessions for this movie had stayed in those brainstorming sessions. Instead, they unleashed this newest Ashton Kutcher abomination on the world.

Okay, maybe that introduction was a bit harsh. I'll let you judge for yourself. Kutcher plays Jack Fuller, a loser who after being fired by his dad, takes a trip to Vegas. He stars opposite Cameron Diaz who plays Joy McNally, the victim of a recent breakup who also goes to Vegas to drown her sorrows. In a night of drunken passion, the two get married. Okay, no problem, they'll get it annulled. A wrench is thrown into that machinery, however, in the form of a winning slot machine pull, and 3 million dollars. The two go to court to get this worked out. I'm not sure which was more unrealistic- the fact that Dennis Miller played the judge, or that he sentenced them to six months of marriage, during which the 3 million would be frozen. Is this really how our judicial system works?

The two move in together, and begin the war to drive the other one out. This had some amusing moments: Jack urinating in the sink when Joy hogged the bathroom, or a party thrown by Joy to tempt Jack into infidelity, but there were only a few of these. Of course, as the movie progresses, the two begin to fall for each other, and (I'm sorry for giving anything away) they work it out. Big surprise there.

Looking back on the career of Ashton Kutcher to this point, over half of his roles are in movies like this. In fact, the only real risky part he's taken was in Butterfly Effect. And despite that movie being a spectacular flop, I appreciated it. I guess we was just made for these non-comedic and non-romantic, romantic comedies.

Often in a movie like this the supporting cast can bring a bit of redemption. Not so much in this case. Dennis Miller was just absurd in his small role. Jack's friend, played by Rob Corddry was simply annoying. Queen Latifah played her role as a marriage councilor rather straight, seeming more as a prop than a character. Even the zany Zach Galifianakis played a fairly boring character.

What Happens in Vegas was very underwhelming. Despite a few funny scenes, there was nothing original about this movie. I'm trying to come up with something to redeem it, but there is not much.

1.5/5