Meet the Spartans

This movie is at number one right. Honestly, look it up. It made over $18 million this past weekend, narrowly edging out the new Rambo movie. I really don't know how to respond to this. I truly hoped that this movie would slip by completely undetected. Instead it dove into the market making a decent January box office splash.

The only thing (in my eyes at least) that is worse than a genre parody, is a genre parody that pokes fun at one movie. In this case, Meet the Spartans retells the story of 300 which terrible comedic timing and stale pop cultural references. It wasn't even an original plot, it was the exact same story, without even the names changed.

Meet the Spartans is filled with such refreshing references as Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears, and American Idol. I can't believe how original they are. The only thing that would make this movie even more relevant is a Weakest Link joke. Every time there was actually an opportunity to create a genuinely funny moment, it completely fell flat. The famed "This is Sparta!" line that sold 300 is done completely straight forward. The only catch is that Leonidis spends the next 5 minutes pushing various people into the pit of death.

The over-the-top ultra violent excess of 300 could certainly warrant parody. The only moment featuring half intelligent observational humor was the comment "Enough with this video game style violence." Or the one truly funny moment in the movie:

"Behold my massive army."
"But that's just a blue screen."
"Idiot, it's a visual effect. We're going to put the army in later. It'll be really impressive."

That sort humor that lampoons the original really would work well. Instead, most of the movie is filled with dated pop culture, the homo erotic Spartan references, and the obligatory bodily functions. I wish they would stop making movies like this, but if they keep going to number one, that's not going to happen any time soon.

0/5

Untraceable

This is a high-tech version of any of the torture movies, though it is more akin to Silence of the Lambs than the Saw franchise. Don't get me wrong, I'm not putting this at all on the same playing field as Silence of the Lambs, I'm just saying it's more along that vein, being about the investigators more than the victims.

Diane Lane plays Jennifer Marsh, an FBI agent investigating cyber-terrorism. She stumbles across a site streaming the deaths of a man's murder victims. It's rigged so that the more people who visit the site, the faster the person dies. From the beginning this seems to be an utterly absurd premise, though it is interesting taking the individual claustrophobia of Saw or Hostel, and broadcasting it to the whole world. So Marsh and her colleagues now have to find out who this is, and how to stop him.

Now I don't know much about computers, so I can't really attest to how accurate anything in this movie is, but some of it just sounded kind of unbelievable. A completely untraceable website that's being seen by millions of people? And the funniest line in the movie: "He hacked into my car's computer." Whether it's able to be done or not, the movie did not convince me. The part I did like, however, was that the breakthroughs in the investigation were done through very low-tech means. In a CSI world where technology is king, this was kind of refreshing.

There were a couple of scenes that really drove home the Silence of the Lambs comparison. Agents sitting around trying to connect seemingly impossibly related points. Unfortunately this time the reached the conclusion of a completely idiotic motivation. I almost starting getting into the movie, because there were some genuinely thrilling moments (a camera appearing outside of Marsh's house). As everything starts to wrap up at the end, though, it all starts to fall apart.

This could be an interesting commentary on free speech, and the power of the internet, but it's really just a scary movie. It could also have been an interesting gritty psychological thriller, but the whole high tech nature of it kind of prevents that. It's tough to bring together the grimy nature of the serial killer and the polished gloss of the cyber-world. It was a nice attempt, and succeeded at a few things, but overall it really didn't work.

2/5

The Bucket List

I want to like this movie, and part of me does. The part of me that loves everything Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson does anyway. The part of me that judges movies purely on their own merit doesn't like this movie. I suppose I'll be able to find some sort of compromise between these two halves.

This is sort of a cross between Grumpy Old Men, and Shawshank Redemption. Jack Nicholson plays Edward Cole, a billionaire tycoon who develops cancer, and has to stay at the very hospital he owns (feeling the wrath of his own cost-cutting). He gets put in a room with terminal patient, Carter Chambers (Morgan Freeman). The two form an unlikely bond as they develop "the bucket list," or the list of things to do before they die. This takes them on worldwide tour, visiting everything from the pyramids to France.

Of course the two of them learn more about themselves in this short time than in the entire rest of their lives. Edward questions whether he's had a positive or negative impact on this world, and Carter has to decide which is more important, his adventures, or his family. The chemistry between them is what is reminiscent of Grumpy Old Men, and the Shawshank aspect comes in with Freeman's inner monologue musings. Unfortunately, neither character really has anything interesting to say, though just listening to Nicholson and Freeman talk is nothing short of an enjoyable experience.

Everything in this movie is just contrived. I found myself saying half of the lines before they did. And other lines that were intended to be poignant were really just kind of random. Rob Reiner has had a mixed career for me. I have to give him credit, he's done more than his fair share of wonderful movies (Spinal Tap, Misery, Princess Bride, When Harry Met Sally, the list just goes on), but he's also had his share of crap (North, Alex and Emma, Rumor Has It).

Some parts are just too absurd for its own good. The two of them go skydiving and race-car driving? And just a few scenes before Carter's catheter comes loose? Something about that just a tad bit too far fetched. I can understand the point of the characters not accepting their limitations, but honestly- taking race cars off jumps?

It's almost worth it just to see Freeman and Nicholson together. There was a little added bit os sentimentality with two of America's finest actors opposite each other- especially because they're both over seventy. In the back of my mind I couldn't help but feel sad about that dark day when we lose these two. I'm sure that wasn't the point of the movie, but it did help to draw me in. If you want a good old fashioned buddy picture with two fantastic actors, see the Bucket List. But I strongly recommend you wait for video, because as good as they are, acting will not carry a bad script.

2/5

Across the Universe

I know I'm a little late with this one, as it came out in October, but I feel I had to put in my two cents. If I recall correctly, this movie got some rather good reviews (I even put it on my top 20 for the remainder of the year). After watching it, however, I was sorely disappointed. It's almost as if they took a good idea, and stitched it together with a mediocre plot. The idea, of course, is remaking several dozen Beatles songs, and use them to form the foundation of a modern musical. The problem is that this was done too deliberately, and with these songs that everybody knows, you can't take the movie seriously.

Jim Sturgess stars as Jude, a dockworker from Liverpool who travels to America to find his estranged father. One there, he meets Max (Joe Anderson) and his sister, Lucy (Evan Rachel Wood). Jude and Max move in together, and Jude falls in love with Lucy. Everybody's relationships are strained when Max gets drafted to go to Vietnam. Lucy joins a radical anti-war group, and Jude struggles with his personal demons. During all of this, they're friends Sadie and Jo-Jo (if you haven't figured it out yet, everyone's named after a Beatles song. Prudence and Rita are also found) are in a band together with their own problems.

Most of the side characters didn't contribute much to the over-all plot of the movie. They mostly have the dual function of conveying the voice of the time, and as a vehicle for more songs. In fact, even the main characters are pretty weak. There's almost nothing hidden within any of them. This may be the drawback of having all of your characters singing everything their feeling.

The music is great, and the musical numbers are interesting. The arrangements vary in everything from fully orchestrated opuses, to acoustic ballads. Many of the numbers are of course accompanied by complicated choreography. As bizarre as many of these were, they were all basically entertaining. The problem with this concept is that the music drives the story, instead of reflecting it. Every scene was written around a song, and stitching together a career of songs into a plot, is not the same as writing a good story.

The love story and the romantic interest might have actually worked, but none of the details seem to mesh into anything coherent. A scene with a traveling circus to the tune of "Being for the Benefit of Mr. Kite," or a scene with soldiers carrying the Statue of Liberty while singing "She's So Heavy," or Max in a military hospital singing "Happiness is a Warm Gun" with Salma Hayek parading around him in a nurse's uniform. Many of the songs were even incorporated in laughably literal ways. Jude screams "All right!" over and over again to some people at the end of "Revolution." All of these take the dark nature of the plot, and just completely lose it.

It's a shame when someone is so dead set on a concept that they drown in it. Across the Universe is not even close to the sum of its parts. Julie Taymore is a very ample director (she was behind Frida). The problem was simply that she was so caught up in making everything fit the concept, the quality took a back seat. When a concept musical like this is done right, it can be very effective. Moulin Rouge is one of my favorite movies of all time, because Baz Luhrmann how to be subtle with an idea, instead of beating us over the head with it. The best thing to come from Across the Universe is, of course, the music. Even though I don't want to see it again, I do want to buy the soundtrack.

2/5

Oscar Nominations

I will say that for the most part, I am rather pleased. There were some surprises that I really appreciated.

Performance by an actor in a leading role
George Clooney in "Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.)
Daniel Day-Lewis in "There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax)
Johnny Depp in "Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount)
Tommy Lee Jones in "In the Valley of Elah" (Warner Independent)
Viggo Mortensen in "Eastern Promises" (Focus Features)

Performance by an actor in a supporting role
Casey Affleck in "The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" (Warner Bros.)
Javier Bardem in "No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage)
Philip Seymour Hoffman in "Charlie Wilson's War" (Universal)
Hal Holbrook in "Into the Wild" (Paramount Vantage and River Road Entertainment)
Tom Wilkinson in "Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.)

Performance by an actress in a leading role
Cate Blanchett in "Elizabeth: The Golden Age" (Universal)
Julie Christie in "Away from Her" (Lionsgate)
Marion Cotillard in "La Vie en Rose" (Picturehouse)
Laura Linney in "The Savages" (Fox Searchlight)
Ellen Page in "Juno" (Fox Searchlight)

Performance by an actress in a supporting role
Cate Blanchett in "I'm Not There" (The Weinstein Company)
Ruby Dee in "American Gangster" (Universal)
Saoirse Ronan in "Atonement" (Focus Features)
Amy Ryan in "Gone Baby Gone" (Miramax)
Tilda Swinton in "Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.)

Best animated feature film of the year
"Persepolis" (Sony Pictures Classics): Marjane Satrapi and Vincent Paronnaud
"Ratatouille" (Walt Disney): Brad Bird
"Surf's Up" (Sony Pictures Releasing): Ash Brannon and Chris Buck

Achievement in art direction
"American Gangster" (Universal): Art Direction: Arthur Max; Set Decoration: Beth A. Rubino
"Atonement" (Focus Features): Art Direction: Sarah Greenwood; Set Decoration: Katie Spencer
"The Golden Compass" (New Line in association with Ingenious Film Partners): Art Direction: Dennis Gassner; Set Decoration: Anna Pinnock
"Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount): Art Direction: Dante Ferretti; Set Decoration: Francesca Lo Schiavo
"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax): Art Direction: Jack Fisk; Set Decoration: Jim Erickson

Achievement in cinematography
"The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford" (Warner Bros.): Roger Deakins
"Atonement" (Focus Features): Seamus McGarvey
"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" (Miramax/Pathé Renn): Janusz Kaminski
"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage): Roger Deakins
"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax): Robert Elswit

Achievement in costume design
"Across the Universe" (Sony Pictures Releasing) Albert Wolsky
"Atonement" (Focus Features) Jacqueline Durran
"Elizabeth: The Golden Age" (Universal) Alexandra Byrne
"La Vie en Rose" (Picturehouse) Marit Allen
"Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber of Fleet Street" (DreamWorks and Warner Bros., Distributed by DreamWorks/Paramount) Colleen Atwood

Achievement in directing
"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" (Miramax/Pathé Renn), Julian Schnabel
"Juno" (Fox Searchlight), Jason Reitman
"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.), Tony Gilroy
"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage), Joel Coen and Ethan Coen
"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax), Paul Thomas Anderson

Best documentary feature
"No End in Sight" (Magnolia Pictures) A Representational Pictures Production: Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs
"Operation Homecoming: Writing the Wartime Experience" (The Documentary Group) A Documentary Group Production: Richard E. Robbins
"Sicko" (Lionsgate and The Weinstein Company) A Dog Eat Dog Films Production: Michael Moore and Meghan O'Hara
"Taxi to the Dark Side" (THINKFilm) An X-Ray Production: Alex Gibney and Eva Orner
"War/Dance" (THINKFilm) A Shine Global and Fine Films Production: Andrea Nix Fine and Sean Fine

Best documentary short subject
"Freeheld" A Lieutenant Films Production: Cynthia Wade and Vanessa Roth
"La Corona (The Crown)" A Runaway Films and Vega Films Production: Amanda Micheli and Isabel Vega
"Salim Baba" A Ropa Vieja Films and Paradox Smoke Production: Tim Sternberg and Francisco Bello
"Sari's Mother" (Cinema Guild) A Daylight Factory Production: James Longley

Achievement in film editing
"The Bourne Ultimatum" (Universal): Christopher Rouse
"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" (Miramax/Pathé Renn): Juliette Welfling
"Into the Wild" (Paramount Vantage and River Road Entertainment): Jay Cassidy
"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) Roderick Jaynes
"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax): Dylan Tichenor

Best foreign language film of the year
"Beaufort" Israel
"The Counterfeiters" Austria
"Katyn" Poland
"Mongol" Kazakhstan
"12" Russia

Achievement in makeup
"La Vie en Rose" (Picturehouse) Didier Lavergne and Jan Archibald
"Norbit" (DreamWorks, Distributed by Paramount): Rick Baker and Kazuhiro Tsuji
"Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" (Walt Disney): Ve Neill and Martin Samuel

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original score)
"Atonement" (Focus Features) Dario Marianelli
"The Kite Runner" (DreamWorks, Sidney Kimmel Entertainment and Participant Productions, Distributed by Paramount Classics): Alberto Iglesias
"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.) James Newton Howard
"Ratatouille" (Walt Disney) Michael Giacchino
"3:10 to Yuma" (Lionsgate) Marco Beltrami

Achievement in music written for motion pictures (Original song)
"Falling Slowly" from "Once" (Fox Searchlight) Music and Lyric by Glen Hansard and: Marketa Irglova
"Happy Working Song" from "Enchanted" (Walt Disney): Music by Alan Menken; Lyric by Stephen Schwartz
"Raise It Up" from "August Rush" (Warner Bros.): Nominees to be determined
"So Close" from "Enchanted" (Walt Disney): Music by Alan Menken; Lyric by Stephen Schwartz
"That's How You Know" from "Enchanted" (Walt Disney): Music by Alan Menken; Lyric by Stephen Schwartz

Best motion picture of the year
"Atonement" (Focus Features) A Working Title Production: Tim Bevan, Eric Fellner and Paul Webster, Producers
"Juno" (Fox Searchlight) A Dancing Elk Pictures, LLC Production: Lianne Halfon, Mason Novick and Russell Smith, Producers
"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.) A Clayton Productions, LLC Production: Sydney Pollack, Jennifer Fox and Kerry Orent, Producers
"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage) A Scott Rudin/Mike Zoss Production: Scott Rudin, Ethan Coen and Joel Coen, Producers
"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax) A JoAnne Sellar/Ghoulardi Film Company Production: JoAnne Sellar, Paul Thomas Anderson and Daniel Lupi, Producers

Best animated short film
"I Met the Walrus" A Kids & Explosions Production: Josh Raskin
"Madame Tutli-Putli" (National Film Board of Canada) A National Film Board of Canada Production Chris Lavis and Maciek Szczerbowski
"Même Les Pigeons Vont au Paradis (Even Pigeons Go to Heaven)" (Premium Films) A BUF Compagnie Production Samuel Tourneux and Simon Vanesse
"My Love (Moya Lyubov)" (Channel One Russia) A Dago-Film Studio, Channel One Russia and Dentsu Tec Production Alexander Petrov
"Peter & the Wolf" (BreakThru Films) A BreakThru Films/Se-ma-for Studios Production Suzie Templeton and Hugh Welchman

Best live action short film
"At Night" A Zentropa Entertainments 10 Production: Christian E. Christiansen and Louise Vesth
"Il Supplente (The Substitute)" (Sky Cinema Italia) A Frame by Frame Italia Production: Andrea Jublin
"Le Mozart des Pickpockets (The Mozart of Pickpockets)" (Premium Films) A Karé Production: Philippe Pollet-Villard
"Tanghi Argentini" (Premium Films) An Another Dimension of an Idea Production: Guido Thys and Anja Daelemans
"The Tonto Woman" A Knucklehead, Little Mo and Rose Hackney Barber Production: Daniel Barber and Matthew Brown

Achievement in sound editing
"The Bourne Ultimatum" (Universal): Karen Baker Landers and Per Hallberg
"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage): Skip Lievsay
"Ratatouille" (Walt Disney): Randy Thom and Michael Silvers
"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax): Matthew Wood
"Transformers" (DreamWorks and Paramount in association with Hasbro): Ethan Van der Ryn and Mike Hopkins

Achievement in sound mixing
"The Bourne Ultimatum" (Universal) Scott Millan, David Parker and Kirk Francis
"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage): Skip Lievsay, Craig Berkey, Greg Orloff and Peter Kurland
"Ratatouille" (Walt Disney): Randy Thom, Michael Semanick and Doc Kane
"3:10 to Yuma" (Lionsgate): Paul Massey, David Giammarco and Jim Stuebe
"Transformers" (DreamWorks and Paramount in association with Hasbro): Kevin O'Connell, Greg P. Russell and Peter J. Devlin

Achievement in visual effects
"The Golden Compass" (New Line in association with Ingenious Film Partners): Michael Fink, Bill Westenhofer, Ben Morris and Trevor Wood
"Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End" (Walt Disney): John Knoll, Hal Hickel, Charles Gibson and John Frazier
"Transformers" (DreamWorks and Paramount in association with Hasbro): Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Russell Earl and John Frazier

Adapted screenplay
"Atonement" (Focus Features), Screenplay by Christopher Hampton
"Away from Her" (Lionsgate), Written by Sarah Polley
"The Diving Bell and the Butterfly" (Miramax/Pathé Renn), Screenplay by Ronald Harwood
"No Country for Old Men" (Miramax and Paramount Vantage), Written for the screen by Joel Coen & Ethan Coen
"There Will Be Blood" (Paramount Vantage and Miramax), Written for the screen by Paul Thomas Anderson

Original screenplay
"Juno" (Fox Searchlight), Written by Diablo Cody
"Lars and the Real Girl" (MGM), Written by Nancy Oliver
"Michael Clayton" (Warner Bros.), Written by Tony Gilroy
"Ratatouille" (Walt Disney), Screenplay by Brad Bird; Story by Jan Pinkava, Jim Capobianco, Brad Bird
"The Savages" (Fox Searchlight), Written by Tamara Jenkins

Heath Ledger 1979-2008

Wow, that's all I can say.

Full story here

Mad Money

This is actually a rather entertaining blend between a women's bonding, and a heist movie. It's by no means a great movie, but it doesn't delude itself into being one. A lot of what happens doesn't make a whole lot a sense, and it feels like it was written by someone who didn't put too much thought into the heist aspect of it. Regardless, it was still kind of cute.

Diane Keaton stars as Bridget, who's husband Don (Ted Danson) was recently laid off. To make money she gets a job working at the federal reserve doing custodial work. Here she devises a plan to steal lots and lots of money that is scheduled to be destroyed. She recruits Nina (Queen Latifah) and Jackie (Katie Holmes), two other employees to help her pull of her scheme. Of course, they get addicted to the crime and the money, and take it too far.

I hate to say that the novelty of this was that it was women pulling off a heist, but they really did play that up. It was clear that none of them had any previous criminal experience, so they had to rely on simple ingenuity to work out their plan. Even though it seemed to be conveniently easy for them to accomplish the theft, it still seemed empowering to put them in a seat of being criminal masterminds.

The chemistry between them sparkled at moments, but fell flat at others. I really like Queen Latifah, and Diane Keaton is one of the greats (despite some poor movie choices). Katie Holmes, however, played the part of the free spirited dunce a bit too much. She seemed perpetually clueless throughout, except for her gut "feelings." Keaton and Latifah, however, gradually began to show their arc. If it weren't for the need to have three people in the ensemble, the movie wouldn't have lost anything without Holmes' character.

The story itself was of course a little far fetched, but you don't go to a movie like this expecting realism. The movie's greatest assets were clearly Latifah and Keaton. Even Ted Danson despite an oddly stoic acceptance to his wife's life of crime, seemed to mesh well into the cast. It's a pleasure watching them act. The movie won't gain anything more than a fun matinée or a video rental, but it also won't go down as one of the many movies I'd wish to forget.

2.5/5